Thursday, August 29, 2013

Be you...everyone else is taken.

One thing that getting diagnosed with lupus taught me was to be happy with who I am.  I can't change me.  I don't even think I would want to.  I know I spent a lot of time over the years wondering who I would become, instead of being happy with who I was at the moment.  I'm starting to focus more on enjoying the me that I am today, and worrying a little less about the person I might become in the future.

Who am I?  It's a question I ask myself a lot.  I don't want to be defined by my job, or by lupus, or by some of the things that have happened in my life.  What do I want to be defined by?  I have challenged myself to list 10 things that define me right now....

1.  I have a really deep desire to give back. Thankfully my job allows that.
2.  I love my friends and family more than anyone would know.
3.  My cat is a piece of who I am.  Odd, maybe, but she definitely defines a little bit of my soul and holds a huge piece of my heart.
4.  When I love someone, I really love them...all the way, without holding back, and unconditionally. This goes for relationships as well as friends and family.  Life isn't perfect, but love doesn't care.
5.  I love God.  My faith defines a huge part of me.  Life on earth is short.  Life in Heaven is eternal.
6.  I am generous... I try to be generous with my time, my money and my kindness.  The best feeling is helping someone who can do nothing to help you.  Because when you do that, they help you more than you will ever otherwise know.
7.  I am happy.  Everyone has their days, but I am generally pretty happy.
8.  I like having a plan.  If my friend Jackie is reading this, she will laugh, because she says I never plan.  And she's right.  But I like when other people have a plan...and one that includes me!  I will never choose the restaurant for dinner, but I love it when other people do!
9.  I don't like being alone.  That is a hard one, but it defines me.  I crave people and closeness and my biggest fear is aloneness (is that a word?).  I'm working on being more comfortable by myself, but having people around makes me feel peace.  Unfortunately I am alone more than I'd like!
10.  I'm struggling with #10.  I don't know what to write.  One thing that is defining me lately is my desire to be a mom someday.  I don't want this to define me, because I'm trying to live in the NOW.  And right now, I'm not a mom.  Nor do I have a situation that allows for me to be one at the moment.  But I'm thinking a lot about it. I'm living my life NOW to prepare for it.  Whether that's with a boyfriend or husband someday or whether that's alone (adoption, etc) or whether God never blesses me with a child, knowing that I want to be a mom someday does define me right now...and I think that's okay.

What defines you now?

No comments:

Post a Comment